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I'm still here...

I'm still lurking about on here. I might have successfully revived the habit of being here.

I can't think of a damned thing to say right now.

Actually, that's not really true. It's just that what I could have to say is just more work stuff, and that's just mostly negativity. Once upon a time, I used to even enjoy going to work, but now I just mostly dread it, and I have to wonder if my job has changed that much, or if, once upon a time, I was just crazy. Have people gotten so much worse to deal with, or have I just gotten less tolerant of their ridiculous behaviour?

Job-wise, I'm kind of in a rut, and the problem with that at this point is finding an exit that won't cost me more than I can afford. In a sense, it's sort of funny I should feel that way, because I'd probably be so much safer to take action now than I was four years ago when I said "to hell with this management shtick", because the circumstances of the rest of my life are very different than they were then. There's so much I really haven't talked about regarding 2009 to early 2010, and I may never bring myself to the point of discussing all that. Let's just say that if any year ever were my "hell year", 2009 was the one. (Also the beginning of 2010.) Letting go of that job rid me of some nasty demons, only to invite a whole new set into my life. A set which nearly destroyed me, to be honest. A few times that year, I pretty seriously contemplated hurling myself off the Swindell Bridge onto I-279.

I didn't, obviously. And things wouldn't get to that level now... but I make pretty decent money, for the circumstances. I've just been there too long; starting fresh somewhere else would cost quite a lot, and I'm not willing to take the cuts most other places would require me to take -- so if I do apply elsewhere, I'm pretty sure my "expected wage" is why I don't get called. I could stand to figure out... something.


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